Hey all you out there in Cyberspace!
It's Cordelia.
If you have a main account on Blogger, you may have gotten the notification about the huge change coming with all of the site functions. With Google Plus changing and taking a totally different direction, all functionality for Google Plus is leaving the Blogger platform except for the optional 'Share This' and '+1' buttons.
For many sites, this will not impact how things are done, and they will go undisturbed. However, because we had all kinds of additional ties to Google Plus with extra buttons and sharing options, we now have to go back and manually fix many of our old posts. The formatting of those posts has gotten a bit messed up as part of the transition. I have marked all of the affected posts as needing edits, and for the time being, they cannot be seen. As of now, there are quite a few of them from over the years, and I will be reposting them as I fix them, so if you get alerts from old posts being reposted, I am sorry for the confusion.
All comments and interactions that members of the site have had in the past will now be removed as well as those were made with Google Plus as well. I am sad to see that all of those will be going away, as so many of our great interactions have come from discussions and conversations in the comments section. I feel like I have gotten to know so many of you because of it. To replace the comments section that was hosted by Google Plus, Blogger will revert to all of their old comment sections.
However, any comments that were made before the initial first switch from Blogger comments to Google Plus comments will not be found either. Only new comments from the change moving forward will be seen. I can let you all know a bit more as I find out more, and I am so sorry that all of these changes are happening.
I just wanted to make sure I let all of you know so that you don't think that I went in and deleted our discussions. In the meantime, you can always find us on Twitter or on our Facebook page.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
~Cordelia Cross.
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Sunday, January 20, 2019
A Tale of Dungeons and Dragons: Part Two: A New Kingdom
Hey, all you out there in Cyberspace!
It's Cordelia again.
How is everyone tonight?
After our last post about Dungeons and Dragons, tons of you reached out to me asking for more Dungeons and Dragons stories through Twitter. I hadn't realized all of you loved the game so much, otherwise, I would have shared some of these stories sooner.
Currently, I have been spending a decent amount of time playing Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, but 3.5 was my starting point and will always have a special place in my heart. In one of my old 3.5 campaigns I had played in, one of our friends played a Chaotic Evil Warlock Rogue. (That's a mouthful, isn't it?) Now this character's name was Levin Nightshade and he was a Dark Elf. Levin was a curious character, when others were looting and gathering their gold, he always looked for the odd objects, the ones that seemed mundane or boring. When he wasn't doing that, he would find the objects that seemed the easiest to pass off as rare or high value to dumb and rich collectors in town.
As someone who typically collects the same mundane items so that I can fashion tools or make contraptions, I was quickly drawn to the character and we became close allies. At the time I was playing as a Ranger-Rogue Wood Elf (by the name of Lorelai Moonshadow) who was a truly neutral character. She had a conscious and morals, she wouldn't go around killing innocents, but she mainly looked out for herself and her best interests. Sometimes that just sort of meant pickpocketing a soldier for keys to the dungeon to break allies free. Other times, it meant evacuating a run-down shelter and having it destroyed by a fire happy sorcerer so then the local authorities would be forced to hire you to rebuild a much better and safer version of the shelter.
During this campaign, Levin and Lorelai were thick as thieves, building a secret criminal empire that surprisingly the rest of the party was unaware of. We met in secret, and texted our DM about things that we were doing behind the scenes, to keep the mystery alive. Then, one week between sessions, we met at the DM's house without the other party members. Levin and Lorelai had stacked up tons of gold getting things going with their enterprise they had even become allies with groups of sentient creatures that typically were enemies to anything but their own species.
During this clandestine meeting, we decided that it was time for us to reveal to the rest of the group exactly what we had been doing behind the scenes during the last few 8-12 hour gaming sessions. Through our work, we had managed to purchase an old castle for our group to live in just outside of the main town. Within the stone walls of the castle courtyard, we had a large cobbled area with a fountain and all around it were merchant booths and stalls for fences to sell our stolen gear. We even had a stable of our own just inside the walls. We had built an empire in our fictional world. It was extremely special because we knew guards would not bother us here, and we could do all the things we needed to so that we could keep our underground empire running. We even had plans to have fences open stalls in other cities we visited so that we could collect a portion of their profits as tax. Honestly, I think the only reason our DM went along with it was because he could tell that our group was going to stay established for awhile and he came up with so many ideas for quests and missions that branched off of this new direction.
Seven hours after we had gotten to the DM's house that day, we had our plan set in stone to reveal things to the rest of our group. When the next full-group session came around and Levin and I were bursting with anticipation. It seemed like time was standing absolutely still for us because it knew we were waiting. All through the session we were waiting for just the right time to show our party that we had a nice new safe home for us all to go back to. It was needed now more than ever since we weren't allowed back into the main town because of the whole kobold battle in the streets thing... (that's a story I will have to share with you guys another time).
Even our DM was on the edge of his seat, knowing what was coming, but with Dungeons and Dragons, almost all of the choices depend on the players. OUR players, just so happened to be spending an EXTRA long amount of time searching these boring old ruins for something that wasn't there. Eventually our DM took pity on them, knowing that they were desperate for experience points and spawned in a giant for us to fight. By this point, Levin had had enough and he was extremely impatient. There is a spell that a caster can use to create a floating disk that allows you to carry objects. This spell allows you to carry 100lbs worth of things for every player level that you have. At this point we were level 8.
To remedy our current situation, Levin had the disk carry a 700lb boulder and drop it on the giants head before the rest of us could roll initiative to see who would get to attack the giant first. Everyone looted the giant, the DM gave Levin 700 points of experience for his cleverness and made it appoint to note that it was one point for every pound of the boulder. After a few laughs, everyone decided it was time to take a long rest to restore our abilities and they were all getting ready to divide up responsibilities in terms of setting up camp. Then Levin stepped forward.
"Wouldn't you all like to sleep in your own beds tonight?" Levin asked.
"Yeah," Orianna Incubore, our Tiefling Bard responded. "But after the whole Kobold thing, I don't think we are allowed back in town. Well, at least not without disguises."
"He never said we would be returning to the same town," Loralie, my character stepped forward smiling.
"If we aren't returning home to town, where area we going?" Tyrion Stormblade, our Orc Fighter asked.
"About that, we have a new home for us all to head back to," Levin smiled.
"Did you kill someone for it?" Trixie Stormblade, an elf druid and Tyrion's wife asked. "The last time you found us shelter, it took me forever to get the blood out of my hair Levin..."she said in an annoyed tone.
"Not this time Trixie, especially since this is more than just a temporary shelter," Levin smiled. He grabbed onto his necklace with his left hand and motioned outward with his right. A purple swirling portal appeared. "And Loralie did her fair share of the work," he added with a smile.
"Let's go home guys!" I called out motioning for them to follow me.
If you guys would like to find out more, and everyone's reaction to their new home, let me know in the comments, our Facebook page, or on our Twitter and I will be more than happy to share more of our adventures with all of you. After we finish up with this story, I might even tell you all about the Kobold story.
Have a nice night everyone!
~Cordelia Cross.
It's Cordelia again.
How is everyone tonight?
After our last post about Dungeons and Dragons, tons of you reached out to me asking for more Dungeons and Dragons stories through Twitter. I hadn't realized all of you loved the game so much, otherwise, I would have shared some of these stories sooner.
Currently, I have been spending a decent amount of time playing Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, but 3.5 was my starting point and will always have a special place in my heart. In one of my old 3.5 campaigns I had played in, one of our friends played a Chaotic Evil Warlock Rogue. (That's a mouthful, isn't it?) Now this character's name was Levin Nightshade and he was a Dark Elf. Levin was a curious character, when others were looting and gathering their gold, he always looked for the odd objects, the ones that seemed mundane or boring. When he wasn't doing that, he would find the objects that seemed the easiest to pass off as rare or high value to dumb and rich collectors in town.
As someone who typically collects the same mundane items so that I can fashion tools or make contraptions, I was quickly drawn to the character and we became close allies. At the time I was playing as a Ranger-Rogue Wood Elf (by the name of Lorelai Moonshadow) who was a truly neutral character. She had a conscious and morals, she wouldn't go around killing innocents, but she mainly looked out for herself and her best interests. Sometimes that just sort of meant pickpocketing a soldier for keys to the dungeon to break allies free. Other times, it meant evacuating a run-down shelter and having it destroyed by a fire happy sorcerer so then the local authorities would be forced to hire you to rebuild a much better and safer version of the shelter.
During this campaign, Levin and Lorelai were thick as thieves, building a secret criminal empire that surprisingly the rest of the party was unaware of. We met in secret, and texted our DM about things that we were doing behind the scenes, to keep the mystery alive. Then, one week between sessions, we met at the DM's house without the other party members. Levin and Lorelai had stacked up tons of gold getting things going with their enterprise they had even become allies with groups of sentient creatures that typically were enemies to anything but their own species.
During this clandestine meeting, we decided that it was time for us to reveal to the rest of the group exactly what we had been doing behind the scenes during the last few 8-12 hour gaming sessions. Through our work, we had managed to purchase an old castle for our group to live in just outside of the main town. Within the stone walls of the castle courtyard, we had a large cobbled area with a fountain and all around it were merchant booths and stalls for fences to sell our stolen gear. We even had a stable of our own just inside the walls. We had built an empire in our fictional world. It was extremely special because we knew guards would not bother us here, and we could do all the things we needed to so that we could keep our underground empire running. We even had plans to have fences open stalls in other cities we visited so that we could collect a portion of their profits as tax. Honestly, I think the only reason our DM went along with it was because he could tell that our group was going to stay established for awhile and he came up with so many ideas for quests and missions that branched off of this new direction.
Seven hours after we had gotten to the DM's house that day, we had our plan set in stone to reveal things to the rest of our group. When the next full-group session came around and Levin and I were bursting with anticipation. It seemed like time was standing absolutely still for us because it knew we were waiting. All through the session we were waiting for just the right time to show our party that we had a nice new safe home for us all to go back to. It was needed now more than ever since we weren't allowed back into the main town because of the whole kobold battle in the streets thing... (that's a story I will have to share with you guys another time).
Even our DM was on the edge of his seat, knowing what was coming, but with Dungeons and Dragons, almost all of the choices depend on the players. OUR players, just so happened to be spending an EXTRA long amount of time searching these boring old ruins for something that wasn't there. Eventually our DM took pity on them, knowing that they were desperate for experience points and spawned in a giant for us to fight. By this point, Levin had had enough and he was extremely impatient. There is a spell that a caster can use to create a floating disk that allows you to carry objects. This spell allows you to carry 100lbs worth of things for every player level that you have. At this point we were level 8.
To remedy our current situation, Levin had the disk carry a 700lb boulder and drop it on the giants head before the rest of us could roll initiative to see who would get to attack the giant first. Everyone looted the giant, the DM gave Levin 700 points of experience for his cleverness and made it appoint to note that it was one point for every pound of the boulder. After a few laughs, everyone decided it was time to take a long rest to restore our abilities and they were all getting ready to divide up responsibilities in terms of setting up camp. Then Levin stepped forward.
"Wouldn't you all like to sleep in your own beds tonight?" Levin asked.
"Yeah," Orianna Incubore, our Tiefling Bard responded. "But after the whole Kobold thing, I don't think we are allowed back in town. Well, at least not without disguises."
"He never said we would be returning to the same town," Loralie, my character stepped forward smiling.
"If we aren't returning home to town, where area we going?" Tyrion Stormblade, our Orc Fighter asked.
"About that, we have a new home for us all to head back to," Levin smiled.
"Did you kill someone for it?" Trixie Stormblade, an elf druid and Tyrion's wife asked. "The last time you found us shelter, it took me forever to get the blood out of my hair Levin..."she said in an annoyed tone.
"Not this time Trixie, especially since this is more than just a temporary shelter," Levin smiled. He grabbed onto his necklace with his left hand and motioned outward with his right. A purple swirling portal appeared. "And Loralie did her fair share of the work," he added with a smile.
"Let's go home guys!" I called out motioning for them to follow me.
If you guys would like to find out more, and everyone's reaction to their new home, let me know in the comments, our Facebook page, or on our Twitter and I will be more than happy to share more of our adventures with all of you. After we finish up with this story, I might even tell you all about the Kobold story.
Have a nice night everyone!
~Cordelia Cross.
Sunday, January 13, 2019
A Tale of Dungeons and Dragons: Part One
Hey, all you out there in Cyberspace!
How is everyone today?
Those of you that have been with us from the beginning know that I have been playing Dungeons and Dragons since I was in high school. There is just something so amazing about being a part of creating another world with other players. It’s one of the few times as adults that we get the chance to use our imaginations in an unlimited capacity and not get judged for it.
My boyfriend has always been interested in playing Dungeons and Dragons but never really had a group to try playing with. Each time he had met a few people who were interested, the group dissolved before it started. But now, for the first time, we have a group to play with on a regular basis and we couldn’t be happier. The group is even really good about teaching new players how to play without making them feel stupid.
Our campaign (led by two of the employees of Lindsay’s Gamer Garrison) is one of the best I have ever played in. It takes place on a new under-developed continent in need of adventurers and travelers. The best thing about the area being young in history is that it allows our characters to help shape it. Giving characters that level of purpose is amazing in a setting like ours because it makes people eager to play. Our group has even gained so many members that we had to split off into two different groups, running campaigns within the same fictional continent. Each week, we vote on a Facebook poll about what we would like to do that week, and then we get separated into whatever group is doing what we vote for.
Every time I start to play in a new group, I start off with a character named after my pseudonym, Cordelia Cross. She is typically a Wood Elf Ranger type with a little bit of healing experience. Sometimes I even have her built as a multi-class Ranger-Rogue. This way she can be sneaky and run around picking locks but is still good at casting minor healing spells and using a bow. Playing a familiar character like that also gives me the chance to immerse myself in the story while I am still getting the hang of a new campaign.
So far, I have had the chance to play with both groups and I absolutely love the dynamic. Everyone is really nice and down to earth, and we have just the right balance of good and evil characters to keep things interesting. For instance, at the start of each session, we generally frequent the shops in our make-believe world to stock up on supplies. One character, an evil Yuan-Ti (a snake-like humanoid species) Warlock by the name of Noashe (pronounced Noah-she) has a penchant for stealing when his attempt to persuade merchants into selling him things for a lower price doesn’t work. This usually results in him getting arrested and causing all kinds of shenanigans.
One session, we really wanted to get going on the main mission but Noashe had other plans. We were all standing around, waiting to leave and he asks “How hard is the lock on the strongbox to pick? May I roll an investigation check?” and all of a sudden I hear my boyfriend (who plays a Dragonborn Fighter by the name of Torrin) ask “How high do I have to roll to knock him out with the hilt of my sword?”
One natural 20 and a “thunk” (an automatic success) away, Noashe was flung over Torrin’s shoulder, knocked out and five health points down. Torrin carried him out of the shop and we were even seen by the guards. When they asked what we were doing, we simply explained that he was starting trouble again and we stopped him so we could get going. The best part was the fact that we didn’t even have to roll a persuasion check, it was just accepted because he had been known to start trouble in the town before.
When Noashe woke again, he was manacled and left on a floating disk that followed us courtesy of another player. He never forgot the incident though. Any time he started to act up again all we had to say was “thunk” and he instantly started to behave well again, leaving his nefarious dealings to be far more discreet.
About three sessions later, we were getting a real beating from a few armored constructs in a dungeon. I was too far away from Torrin to be able to heal him and when the constructs took their next attack, they knocked him out; leaving Noashe the only healer within range. He got a mischievous look on his face and asked “would it take an action to kick him before I heal him?”
The DM laughed a little and thought about it for a moment. Then out of sheer curiosity he goes “it would, so you can kick him (rolling to make sure you hit him of course) AND heal him, but you can’t make an attack on the construct.” It was obvious, he was curious to see if Noashe would waste an attack just to kick Torrin.
A moment passed and he looks at all of us, focusing his gaze on my boyfriend and yells, “Worth it!” He rolls his die with a hopeful look in his eye… the 20 sided die lands on a one… For those of you who don’t know, when you roll a one, it is an automatic failure. You don’t get to add your ability bonuses or skill modifiers, it’s just a big ‘ol NOPE.
The DM tilted back his head and let out a bellowing laughter getting ready to narrate the moment for all of us. “Noashe makes his way over to Torrin, he pulls up his leg getting ready to kick him, ignoring everything else in the room. Revenge is sweet, and this would be even sweeter, he would finally get even with the Dragonborn. He didn’t want the fighter dead, as he had defended him many times before, he just wanted him to pay for knocking him out. As his leg moved closer to Torrin, about to make contact, he missed. The force of the eager kick knocked him off balance and he fell flat on his butt, doing a point of damage to himself. What would you like to do next?” the DM cackled. Furious, Noashe healed him, threatening to get his revenge the first chance he got.
Our campaign has been full of so many other funny moments and great stories. It has even been the birth of countless inside jokes. If you would like to hear more, let me know down in the comments or let us know on Facebook, and I will be sure to share more as soon as I can. I Hope you all enjoyed this post and I will have more to share with you soon!
With love,
~Cordelia Cross
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
Our Aquarium Project
Hey all you out there in Cyberspace!!!
It's Cordelia.
How are all of you doing today? :D
I just wanted to take a moment to share a bit of our exciting new hobby with all of you. A few of you loyal readers have been with me since the beginning of the blog, way before the purge era (when we stripped a whole bunch of our older content from the site), and the era of anxiety (where a whole bunch of things kept me from writing) know that I absolutely love fish.
As a gift, my boyfriend got me a 29 gallon fish tank and we have since started building up our little family of fish. But a hobby like this takes so much time and care. Especially with a large tank like ours. so far it has been such an incredible project he and I have worked on together, and it has given us a lot of peace and motivation along the way.
Here is a picture of our tank as we were first establishing it before adding fish:
So far we have 9 fish total living in the tank. The water looks a little green because we had just dropped in the algae tabs to feed the Rubber Lipped Plecos. We also had to hold off on a water change because we were still establishing the ecosystem of the tank. In the future we definitely wouldn't use white gravel again. Unfortunately with the white you can see every bit of dirt and algae. The Rubber Lipped Plecos are the ones that are suctioning to the glass in the picture below. We have two of those little guys:
The two silvery fish are White Cloud Mountain Minnows. When we originally got our tank, we had four of them, with the intent to get more as they were schooling fish. However, in one night, one of the older minnows passed away, and his mate passed shortly after. We had just gotten them, and sometimes when you get new fish, they are sick or older, and that was a risk we took. When the ecosystem of our tank is a bit more stable we'd like to get more to build up our little school of minnows again. Eventually we would like to have 6 total.
We would eventually like to get a few more Mollies (different types), some snails, and a few other community fish.
To help raise money to help us support this hobby we have a few new designs up on our Teespring Store.
If you would like to see more of our tank as it grows, or help fund our new fish home, please leave us a comment below, share this post on Facebook, give it a +1 on Google plus, share it on Twitter, or Comment on the Facebook post that goes along with this blog post.
Thank you all for your support and we can't wait to share more with you moving forward!
~Cordelia Cross.
It's Cordelia.
How are all of you doing today? :D
I just wanted to take a moment to share a bit of our exciting new hobby with all of you. A few of you loyal readers have been with me since the beginning of the blog, way before the purge era (when we stripped a whole bunch of our older content from the site), and the era of anxiety (where a whole bunch of things kept me from writing) know that I absolutely love fish.
As a gift, my boyfriend got me a 29 gallon fish tank and we have since started building up our little family of fish. But a hobby like this takes so much time and care. Especially with a large tank like ours. so far it has been such an incredible project he and I have worked on together, and it has given us a lot of peace and motivation along the way.
Here is a picture of our tank as we were first establishing it before adding fish:
So far we have 9 fish total living in the tank. The water looks a little green because we had just dropped in the algae tabs to feed the Rubber Lipped Plecos. We also had to hold off on a water change because we were still establishing the ecosystem of the tank. In the future we definitely wouldn't use white gravel again. Unfortunately with the white you can see every bit of dirt and algae. The Rubber Lipped Plecos are the ones that are suctioning to the glass in the picture below. We have two of those little guys:
The black fish lurking behind the Pleco is a Black Molly. They are typically really low aggression leveled fish, and live really well in community tanks with plenty of different breeds. All together we have 5 of them. Three of them can also be seen in our picture below:
The two silvery fish are White Cloud Mountain Minnows. When we originally got our tank, we had four of them, with the intent to get more as they were schooling fish. However, in one night, one of the older minnows passed away, and his mate passed shortly after. We had just gotten them, and sometimes when you get new fish, they are sick or older, and that was a risk we took. When the ecosystem of our tank is a bit more stable we'd like to get more to build up our little school of minnows again. Eventually we would like to have 6 total.
We would eventually like to get a few more Mollies (different types), some snails, and a few other community fish.
To help raise money to help us support this hobby we have a few new designs up on our Teespring Store.
This Mug can be found at: Fishy Fund Version 1
This one can be found at: Fishy Fund v2
This one can be found at: Fishy Fund v3
Thank you all for your support and we can't wait to share more with you moving forward!
~Cordelia Cross.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
The Untitled Story
Hey all you out there in Cyberspace!
So those of you who have been following us on Facebook know that for awhile I have really wanted to be able to start publishing and selling my stories. During that period of our "purge" here on the blog I have been working on a few new stories and soon we should have one up on either the Amazon Kindle store or the Nook Book Store. Eventually I would love to sell our books in .epub format directly from our site.
Thank you all so much for your support, it means so much more to me than you know. I have been writing for so many years and I have been so anxious and so scared to share that writing with anyone. Through all of you I have finally found the strength to publish some of my writing and I will always be grateful to you, my loyal readers, for giving me the strength to do that. You were the first ever regular readers of my content and you showed me that I had a voice and that the message I had to share mattered.
The first book that will be coming out will be about a girl named Rosalie that grew up in an abusive foster home. Eventually she finally makes her way out of the foster home, gets emancipated and starts a life for herself. After she graduates, she obtains her dream job working for a company that works to create their own publications as well as an online magazine. Shortly after working for the company she is asked to help out on a fundraising event for a few of the group homes in the area despite none of her coworkers knowing about her past. As she spends more time working on the project she grows closer to one of her coworkers.
The story is mainly about Rosalie attempting to overcome her past and her aversion to contact with others to build a stronger future for herself.
Alot of the events and the details in this story are things I have personal experience with, both through my own experiences and those of close friends and family members.
This story is one I have been spending alot of my time on, and I really hope you all love it.
Thank you again for all of your support!
~Cordelia Cross
So those of you who have been following us on Facebook know that for awhile I have really wanted to be able to start publishing and selling my stories. During that period of our "purge" here on the blog I have been working on a few new stories and soon we should have one up on either the Amazon Kindle store or the Nook Book Store. Eventually I would love to sell our books in .epub format directly from our site.
Thank you all so much for your support, it means so much more to me than you know. I have been writing for so many years and I have been so anxious and so scared to share that writing with anyone. Through all of you I have finally found the strength to publish some of my writing and I will always be grateful to you, my loyal readers, for giving me the strength to do that. You were the first ever regular readers of my content and you showed me that I had a voice and that the message I had to share mattered.
The first book that will be coming out will be about a girl named Rosalie that grew up in an abusive foster home. Eventually she finally makes her way out of the foster home, gets emancipated and starts a life for herself. After she graduates, she obtains her dream job working for a company that works to create their own publications as well as an online magazine. Shortly after working for the company she is asked to help out on a fundraising event for a few of the group homes in the area despite none of her coworkers knowing about her past. As she spends more time working on the project she grows closer to one of her coworkers.
The story is mainly about Rosalie attempting to overcome her past and her aversion to contact with others to build a stronger future for herself.
Alot of the events and the details in this story are things I have personal experience with, both through my own experiences and those of close friends and family members.
This story is one I have been spending alot of my time on, and I really hope you all love it.
Thank you again for all of your support!
~Cordelia Cross
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Past Post Purge
Hey All You Out There in Cyberspace!
I know some of you have already been noticing, but our site is undergoing a major purge of sorts. Unfortunately, a few events have occurred that made it all the more important to go back and remove quite a few of our older posts. We aren't going anywhere, and I will always be writing for you guys. All of our posts on our other social media pages are still there, and I will keep talking to you all there too. Thank you so much for your support of the blog for these past ten years. It hasn't always been easy, but writing on here has always been worth it. You guys should see more posts coming your way pretty soon!
~Cordelia
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Reflecting
Hey all you out there in Cyberspace,
It's me, Cordelia,
More times than I can remember, I have been asked why my nose is always buried in a book or why I am always writing. Leaving this world and entering another, even if for a few short minutes has always been one of the few things to bring me relief and calm in a life so full of hurt and pain.
Not a single soul knows the full extent of the battles within my mind. Few have come close; my sister, my boyfriend, and my closest friend. But still I find myself shielding them from the darkness within me. I am not afraid of them turning against me. I am more afraid of the darkness leaving me and consuming them as well.
Ever since I was a kid all I've ever wanted was to write. Writing was my way to escape, to create a whole new world where all the injustices I faced in my own life were corrected. I may be quiet, and feeble, and weak; but my alter ego, the one that only came out when I put pen to paper, was the version of myself I always wanted to be but never could. I didn't have supernatural powers or a way to make people understand the inner workings of my mind with a single powerful glance. All I had was a keyboard and four walls to close me in.
During the day, I'd keep the peace; smile, laugh, share stories to keep the conversation going. But it wasn't sincere. It was all filler and fluff, things to make the day go faster.
But even though a smile would break through my walls I still always felt so empty and trapped. There were so many things I wish I would have said or done, but I was caged within myself. I was trapped by everything around me with no end in sight.
At night, my mind would get away from me and she would take over. It became her turn to speak. I let her, because it was the only way to keep myself from exploding into a million pieces.
My biggest regret was letting that get taken from me. I never stopped writing, but I convinced myself that what I had to say wasn't worthy of sharing because I'd been threatened and because I'd been broken down.
Slowly but surely I'm fighting those feelings. I can't keep hiding, I need to be me, all of me. This may offend some of you, and while I apologize for the offense, I cannot turn back now. This is finally me.
My (pen) name is Cordelia Cross and I am done hiding. Welcome to my little Corner of Cyberspace!
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