Hey all you out there in Cyberspace,
It's me, Cordelia,
More times than I can remember, I have been asked why my nose is always buried in a book or why I am always writing. Leaving this world and entering another, even if for a few short minutes has always been one of the few things to bring me relief and calm in a life so full of hurt and pain.
Not a single soul knows the full extent of the battles within my mind. Few have come close; my sister, my boyfriend, and my closest friend. But still I find myself shielding them from the darkness within me. I am not afraid of them turning against me. I am more afraid of the darkness leaving me and consuming them as well.
Ever since I was a kid all I've ever wanted was to write. Writing was my way to escape, to create a whole new world where all the injustices I faced in my own life were corrected. I may be quiet, and feeble, and weak; but my alter ego, the one that only came out when I put pen to paper, was the version of myself I always wanted to be but never could. I didn't have supernatural powers or a way to make people understand the inner workings of my mind with a single powerful glance. All I had was a keyboard and four walls to close me in.
During the day, I'd keep the peace; smile, laugh, share stories to keep the conversation going. But it wasn't sincere. It was all filler and fluff, things to make the day go faster.
But even though a smile would break through my walls I still always felt so empty and trapped. There were so many things I wish I would have said or done, but I was caged within myself. I was trapped by everything around me with no end in sight.
At night, my mind would get away from me and she would take over. It became her turn to speak. I let her, because it was the only way to keep myself from exploding into a million pieces.
My biggest regret was letting that get taken from me. I never stopped writing, but I convinced myself that what I had to say wasn't worthy of sharing because I'd been threatened and because I'd been broken down.
Slowly but surely I'm fighting those feelings. I can't keep hiding, I need to be me, all of me. This may offend some of you, and while I apologize for the offense, I cannot turn back now. This is finally me.
My (pen) name is Cordelia Cross and I am done hiding. Welcome to my little Corner of Cyberspace!
